I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
