I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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