Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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