dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You are a genius and a whore.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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