Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
