dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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