remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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