How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
