i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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