Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
