ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
