So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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