You're so nebulous sometimes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize