I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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