Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
