I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
