New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
