she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
