I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
