I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
