Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
