dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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