We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
