You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
