Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Randomize