I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pants are for mortals
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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