hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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