Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize