I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
