at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
