Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
