ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
