it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
