Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
