Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
