Cold hands, warm shart.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize