Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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