when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
