So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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