how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
