even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
