Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This toilet bowl is my home.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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