Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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