I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
