look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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