the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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