i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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