So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
