Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize