just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
