the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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