She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize