is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
