I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm having to shit out rocks
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