I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
