I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
