Your dad touched me again.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
