Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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