i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
