I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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