No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
