We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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