i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
