The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
