i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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