I love black thongs
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
