dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
