just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
