I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
