Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
