he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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