Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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