This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm bleeding and have questions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
