Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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