I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
