It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
