we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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