Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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