I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize