what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
