dude i'm inner monologue high
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I want to be your penis for a week.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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