Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
