I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize