It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
