people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize