New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
