Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
