Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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