you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
