Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
