this beer tastes like vomit already
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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