I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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