Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
