please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize