it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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