You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize