actually, I'm a sock model
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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