Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hippo gnu deer
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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