Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
